Tag Archives: shopping

The Great Below

He marched out to sea, leaving his luxury tennis shoes in a pile on the sand. While the other beachgoers retreated in light of the approaching storm, K surged forward.

She had returned. Now was the time.

He waded deeper into the water, felt the currents tug at his body.

She vanished into the sea during their honeymoon. Upset about something trivial, she threw herself into the water to spite K, to punish him, full of violence and rage. And it worked. He slid into cocaine addiction and ridiculous shopping sprees. He retreated into himself, blamed himself, cursed himself. He tried to kill himself. Then he bought luxury tennis shoes.

Yet rumors swirled: the sea was different now, violent, unforgiving, merciless. Ships were lost sometimes; people drowned sometimes; jellyfish and sharks and sea urchins attacked sometimes.

He dismissed the rumors at first. But love got the better of him. For he loved her still, after all this time.

One day he went to the sea, to see for himself, this violence, this rage. But the sea was calm, compassionate. He returned the day following, etc.

With each day, his desire for her violence and rage grew. And he waited – always at the edge of the water, always in his luxury tennis shoes.

It was her, today, churning the sea, tempting the weather. He ran his fingers through the seaweed, thinking of her muddy brown hair.

“All of this for you,” he muttered to nobody as the sea pulled him down.


The Coming Slaughter

I hate discount retailers. But I go begrudgingly to the discount retailer because I do things for the pretty girl I love who always loves a bargain.

The discount retailer offers nothing of value for anybody. The girl I love marches off to the women’s things and I find myself in the men’s section, dodging lower-class people as they clamor for cheap stuff. Two men argue over a leather jacket.

I make my way to the men’s shoes. I fantasize about seeing the girl I love naked as my eyes gloss over countless pairs of misfit footwear that seem like death row inmates awaiting imminent execution.

But I spot, accidentally, in an unmarked shoebox, a single Ferragamo loafer that, presumably, even I can afford. My X-rated fantasy vanishes and I excitedly snatch up the loafer. I search for its mate. I search everywhere. I ask an unhelpful sales associate to find its mate. He rolls his eyes: “Sorry, I guess it’s lost.”

I attack the sales associate. The police arrive and I’m arrested. I don’t know where she is–the girl I love.

I’m issued prison garb–shirt, pants, loafers. The shirt and pants are awful, but the loafers aren’t so bad.

 

 


A Particular Historical Constellation

Thus he decided to put himself in the freezer.

Wanting to stop time, but not knowing how, he reasoned that freezing himself would almost be the equivalent of freezing time.

He wanted to stop time because things were finally good in the usual ways that people mean when they say that. But he knew life to be a constant negotiation between the good life and the opposite of the good life. The trick was to stop time when life was good so it would always be good.

He had envisioned casting a spell or whispering magic words or waving a magic wand to bring time to a stop. But that’s impossible. Which is why he decided to put himself in the freezer.

Before doing so, he went shopping. I want to look nice forever, he told himself. He bought a nice suit and a really expensive watch. He charged the shit out of his middle class credit card–since time was coming to an end it didn’t really matter.

He got in and closed the door.

He wasn’t dead when somebody opened the freezer a day later. But his watched stopped. So his plan kinda worked.


The Disruption of Hegemonic Comfort

The clerk leaned across his counter and whispered: “Did you know that if you send the US Treasury a $2 bill, they’ll send you back $2.15?” He went on to whisper related information, but I stopped paying attention.

……….

When I was a kid my father stockpiled $2 bills in the basement of our house, sure that one day $2 bills would be the only viable currency. After he disappeared, I took his cache of $2 bills and folded things out of them.

I folded boyhood things: submarines, rocket ships, best friends. After boyhood, I folded my father’s $2 bills into weapons and electric guitars. Most recently I folded a woman and fell in love with her.

I promised to provide for my origami woman. She dismissed my masculine posturing, however, and asked only that I  never unfold her, echoing a promise I had already made to myself.

………

I unfolded her that night, the clerk’s whispers of “profit” ringing in my ears. But not before taking her out to an extravagant dinner–like, candlelight and oysters flown in from faraway. It was out of my price range, but, envisioning the money I would get for my origami woman, I wasn’t too concerned.

I ordered us another round of martinis.


A Scarecrow

The clerk scrawled something on my receipt before stuffing it in its pretty envelope and handing it to me: her phone number. Call me. She made the shape of that with her mouth before guiding me to the door in that way that clerks do at snobby retail joints.

……….

Hello? You could tell she wasn’t used to talking on the phone.

Hi. This is K. From earlier today. You gave me your number.

I let her lead the conversation since this was her doing. She asked who the scarf was for. I told her. She asked how long we had been together. I told her that too. She asked if I loved her. I told her yes very much.

Then she told me about the flood. The poor are liquifying, she said. We don’t have much time.

She told me about the tallest building in the city. All the exclusive retailers are moving to the top floor so our most special clientele can continue shopping. The poor won’t rise that high. She was confident. We appreciate your business and look forward to your continued patronage. She hung up.

How thoughtful, I thought. But I don’t know how to swim.

 


The Virtues of Their Wares

American Express wants everybody to know if you’re rich or poor. Depending on your income it will offer you credit cards in a variety of colors. At the top is American Express Purple maybe. At the bottom is a transparent–like your socioeconomic worth–card, which they call Blue.

The clerk, a foreigner, was oblivious to the implications of K’s transparent card. He had gotten to know her over the past long time as he  frequented her fancy store to A) have the things he wanted and have them now and B)  impress this clerk (who looked kinda like Anna Torv, upon whom K had a mild crush  not because she’s attractive (because she isn’t) but because she is interesting looking) with his false purchasing power.

This would look amazing on you. She offered K some fashionable monstrosity that in its very monstrousness made it somehow less monster-like. Unable to say no to women, K put it on. Let me zip it up for you she said and dropped to her knees.

K saw the prostitutiveness in the gesture and  grew curious: What if I were to buy something really expensive he opined. But he soon frowned. Impossible. His American Express was transparent.