Monthly Archives: December 2013

The Linear Progression of History

She told me to go to a bookstore on the corner of this street and that one. She knew I liked to read. I’ll meet you there, she texteded.

Men were milling around inside, perusing pedantic books they’d never read or understand. I approached a bookshelf and pulled on a tome called The History of Madness. I opened to page whatever. In the margins somebody had scribbled in red pencil: you can never go back.

She saddled up next to me. I shut the book and gave her a platonic hug. She was impressively dressed in black and white:  I missed the memo–I was not in any decent color scheme. Do you know what this place is, she asked. It’s a speakeasy.  She smiled.

A man emerged from behind the poetry section to lead us into the bar, where we both got really drunk. I told her about my problems: money, cocaine, you. We drew inane pictures of interspecies struggles. Then it was time to go.

I gave her another platonic hug. She faded into the night and I thought about that anonymous red message. Then I didn’t go after her. To do otherwise would have been madness.


The Theft of Enjoyment

He refuses to believe that the world has changed. That’s an unfortunate thing to do, really, and dangerous. He fucks recklessly, convinced that a simple dose of penicillin will disarm the worst of whatever afflictions brood inside women’s bodies.

I don’t really care about that.

What I find interesting is that he never locks his doors—car, house, whatever. He should. But he doesn’t. Because he refuses to believe that the world is a place where you kinda really should do that. I asked him about it once. He said the world is good and decent. He also said that a MARINES CORPS sticker on his windshield would garner him respect from criminals who, after seeing his patriotic sticker, would go steal someone else’s shit. I asked him what if you get ripped off will you lock your doors. He said no because I believe the world is good even when at times it isn’t.

………………..

When the new girl—made out of silicone just as I like—told me that she wasn’t in it for the money, I believed her. The old girl had said the same. But she had been lying. But the world is good. So I went to the ATM.


En Souffrance?

She asked what I wanted for, as she called it, ExMass. I knew she wouldn’t get me anything, but her asking me that particular question was her way of denying her own faults to herself. Which was fine.  A necktie, I said. She didn’t say anything. She simply smiled a downcast smile and I kept my expectations in check, having known her long enough to know to do so. (Whenever a girl asks what I want for any gift-giving reason, I always say, A necktie. Because I like the feeling of being repeatedly strangled by domesticity and love.)

I knew what she wanted for ExMass without having to ask–something (anything!) expensive, because in her mind the more money a guy spends on her, the more she is “loved” by him. She has a bunch of pricey male-authored gifts that she clings to in the name of “nostalgia and memory” but really because they remind her of the commercial value of her subjectivity: I am worth this much in white gold, Dolce & Gabanna, and Lululemon leg warmers.

She began to assemble the fake ExMass tree, and my throat began to tighten under the grip of a thousand neckties.


The Distance That Separates Anxiety and Guilt

Women claim that they wear thongs so that continuity is not disrupted (something about panty lines). But as the woman tried in vain to dislodge her thong from her ass, her continuity was disrupted in a most unanticipated way. She picked at it through her tight leather pants, and had she not been so focused on her discomfort, one would have thought she wasn’t wearing underwear at all–sublimating any presumption of propriety (which research suggests is the “real” reason women wear thongs these days). (Don’t ask me how I know that.) (I’m paid to know a lot about a lot of things.)

K nudged me. Get her to stop doing that, he said. You do it, I countered.

The woman spun around to face us, having evidently overheard our conversation. With a focused gaze, she kicked off her shoes and slithered out of her leather pants. Then she took off her thong and crammed it in her mouth. She chewed and swallowed with minimal effort.

Giving us both the finger, she marched off, leaving her shoes and leather pants behind.

I glanced at K. That was weird.

I know, he replied. I’m wearing the same exact pair.