Tag Archives: oysters

The Supposedly Innocent Gaze

“You have the most charming way of eating,” I cooed on my way past her table. “I don’t mean for that to sound creepy or anything,” I stopped to clarify. “You just caught my eye and I couldn’t look away until you were done with your spaghetti.”

 

She smiled and dabbed the corners of her mouth with her napkin: “Thank you.”

 

She said nothing further so I exited the café.

 

That night I couldn’t sleep. I stared at the ceiling and watched her eat her plate of spaghetti. “Is she as dainty when she eats a medium rare hamburger,” I wondered, “or oysters on the half shell?” I closed my eyes and dreamed of the woman.

 

Every night thereafter she infiltrated my dreams, always seated at a table with a white tablecloth and always eating.

 

After a week, I grew concerned that she was growing fat.

 

I returned to the café. “Has the woman who eats spaghetti in a womanly way been in recently,” I asked the maître d.

 

“You’re the eighteenth man to ask of her today,” he scoffed before gesturing to the dining room, which was occupied by single men all waiting for the woman who ate spaghetti.

 


The Disruption of Hegemonic Comfort

The clerk leaned across his counter and whispered: “Did you know that if you send the US Treasury a $2 bill, they’ll send you back $2.15?” He went on to whisper related information, but I stopped paying attention.

……….

When I was a kid my father stockpiled $2 bills in the basement of our house, sure that one day $2 bills would be the only viable currency. After he disappeared, I took his cache of $2 bills and folded things out of them.

I folded boyhood things: submarines, rocket ships, best friends. After boyhood, I folded my father’s $2 bills into weapons and electric guitars. Most recently I folded a woman and fell in love with her.

I promised to provide for my origami woman. She dismissed my masculine posturing, however, and asked only that I  never unfold her, echoing a promise I had already made to myself.

………

I unfolded her that night, the clerk’s whispers of “profit” ringing in my ears. But not before taking her out to an extravagant dinner–like, candlelight and oysters flown in from faraway. It was out of my price range, but, envisioning the money I would get for my origami woman, I wasn’t too concerned.

I ordered us another round of martinis.