Monthly Archives: February 2015

The Perverse Exchange of Gazes

I’m sorry, she said. I can’t help it.

I rolled off of her and looked at her in a soft way, pleading silently for a logical explanation. She looked away. Don’t be mad.

K warned me to stay away. But that only encouraged me. You know how guys are: they think they’re the exception to the rule.

She was nice enough to let me try, but it was obvious that I was too alive.

She spoke calmly, knowing I needed to be told something grand: I went to a party once and my boyfriend at the time told me to meet him in the bathroom. It was completely dark in there when I pushed the door open. I couldn’t find the light switch. I groped around until my hands landed on what I thought was his erect penis. So I got on top, fucked him, and snuck out. Very erotic. I found out later that it was actually a dead man with rigor mortis in all the right places. My boyfriend broke up with me and I haven’t been interested in the living since.

After a moment, I said: I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom.

She only smiled.

 


Her Mortal and Imperfect Body

I grimaced at my reflection, fixated on the red streaks creeping down my jaw.

“Why don’t you go to the doctor,” she said, worriedly, from behind the bathroom door. “It’s too late for that,” I hissed.

She thought I blamed her for the infection. Before our relationship became serious, and even in the weeks following its serious turn, she begged me to get a tetanus shot. I refused. There was something romantic in the risk.

The first time she kissed me, she held back. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said. But one night she kissed me without thinking. I remember the sound of the nails in her mouth grinding against my teeth. I remember the taste of blood running down the back of my throat and down the sides of my mouth. “Sorry,” she said. “Don’t be,” I replied, still believing in romance. She urged me to go to the hospital. “What if it gets infected,” she asked. I muttered something about fate, trying to smile with my mangled orifice.

I continued staring at myself in the mirror, convinced the red streaks were getting longer by the second, making their way to someplace vital. Probably to my heart.