Tag Archives: wealth

The Abyss of Freedom

Something possessed him to enroll in a woodworking class at the community college. Which was fine.

Ever since she introduced him to the male members of her family – all tall, rich, and unfaithful to their wives and girlfriends – he sought to “up his man game.” She rolled her eyes whenever he said this and was secretly sad that he felt the need to be different. Nevertheless, every Wednesday for the past eight weeks he came home late. Which was fine. He was making her a clock.

When he climbed in bed – after showering, naturally – he dutifully whispered in her ear his progress. “It’s done,” he said softly. “It’s on the table.”

She jumped up, not bothering to put a stitch of clothing on (this did not bother him), and dashed to the dining room. It was an awful thing – uneven and splintery.

“K,” she said like a homeroom teacher, “it’s not even telling the right time.”

“I know,” he replied proudly. “It’s set to when we first kissed.”

She looked at him incredulously.

He explained. “Your eyes were closed and I looked at my watch. I wanted to remember.”

She began to cry, and he glanced down at his watch.


Blame the Other

When K told me that he was going to kill himself if I stole his girlfriend, I didn’t believe him. I didn’t think that I could steal his girlfriend.

K was wealthy and educated, and what girl would refuse such a man? I was the opposite in every respect; had I found myself on the Titanic or an equal vessel I would have had to steal my way aboard. I began flirting with her simply out of spite, as if to insinuate to K that although he could have whatever he wanted, I could take it from him with ease (rich men have large egos, which is a huge turnoff).

I didn’t enjoy fucking her. Indeed, I courted her out of spite. And she, the caged bird of a wealthy birdist, allowed me to court her for the same reason.

She and I were upstairs when K’s telegram arrived, announcing his imminent demise—“…by the time you read this I will be dead.”

“Shit. K’s dead,” I said after reading the telegram. She, still in my bed, feigned sadness.

“I guess you’ll have to marry me now.” She coiled my blanket snuggly around her.

K, from somewhere safe, probably smiled.


A General Hegemony

Six months had passed since I put her portrait in the trunk of my car.

“Why is this still in here,” she asked not long after, her hands full of groceries. “So I always have you in my trunk,” I replied.

But her portrait–all glamour and heavy eye make-up–soon became covered in dust and the fine wood frame in which she was encased became scuffed.

Still, I was so used to her back there that the thought of hanging her on the wall was mildly unnerving.

We had a fight two days ago. She accused me of stealing her old wedding ring to finance my cocaine habit.

I called her three times. I sent twelve text messages.

Silence.

I opened the trunk yesterday morning to fetch my umbrella. I gave her portrait a knowing look, thinking, “What the fuck is your problem?” That’s when I noticed that her previously immaculate smile was now twisted into a scream.

“Well if she’s dead,” I said to myself, “now’s the time to steal her wedding ring.”

When she was found this afternoon in the trunk of a new Mercedes I felt mildly guilty, though I didn’t really know why: Fucking rich people.


The Seat of Consciousness

“You’re an idiot.” Sometimes she wakes up with FUCK YOU emblazoned across her forehead. I’m not sure why. Perhaps in my sleep I set her car on fire. Accusations of stupidity (etc.) fly from her mouth with ease. Such was the case yesterday. We haven’t spoken sense.

This morning I ate a young man’s brain. He came to my office, in the basement of X University where I am a professor of Y. “Professor,” he inquired through the wooden door, “are you in?” I beckoned him inside. An  extremely intelligent young man who is probably also wealthy (X University caters to smart and wealthy students and, as any reasonably smart person will tell you, the two traits are often mutually exclusive), he was fidgety like an old man but dressed like a young hip person.

“Could I ask you about our next assignment?” The young man spoke in a quivering voice. I nodded. He sat down. Then I struck him hard across the face. He went limp almost instantly and I set to eating his brain.

What are you doing, I asked myself in a moment of hesitation.

Becoming smart, I replied, as I took another bite of his brain.