Tag Archives: disease

The Gloomiest Antidote

She had been a robust child.

 

Years later, however, she found herself prone to serious illness and disease. On Christmas several years ago, I nursed her through pneumonia, strep throat, and a host of other dangerous afflictions.

 

As terrible as it all was, watching her die (It was inevitable. If not this illness, then surely that one, or that one.), we benefitted handsomely on, as we came to call it, PharmDay. We would put on our best farmerwear – a hard thing for a couple of middle-class snobs to accomplish – and head to the pharmacy. The whole thing was terribly fun.

 

Back at home, we would dump her medicine on the kitchen table and play with it. Small pills became stones from which we erected mighty pyramids; other pills became grenades as we tried to blow each other up. Still others we simply abused with alcohol.

 

She maintained until the end that she would rather spend her time this way than filling little boxes – one for each day of the week – with medicine.

 

And so we did. And one day she overdosed on a little green drug.

 

I tried carrying on the tradition without her. But it just wasn’t as fun.


Femme du monde

I spoke in a paranoid manner, like someone dealing coke on a playground.

“She always wears the same pants–high-waisted, the color of mustard,” I explained.

K furrowed his forehead. “So what?”

He didn’t get it. She and I had been out six times, and while she was attractive, her sartorial choices revolved around that high-waisted, mustard-colored pair of pants.

K continued after an uncomfortable pause: “When are you seeing her next?” 

“Tonight. She’s coming over for dinner.”


……….


I made her pasta and got her drunk. We groped at each other–unhooking, unzipping.

I reached for the button on her pants.

“Wait,” she gasped, clutching my hand, “we should stop.”


……….


“I’m ready” read the email. Twenty years had passed. But I knew what it meant. 

She still lived at the same place. She seemed too old–a disease, she would explain later in the bedroom. She still had on the same pants. They were faded and badly worn in the knees.

“Fuck me,” she hissed. I grabbed her by the waist and yanked her pants to the ground. Her torso toppled from her hips with a thud. “Thank you,” she said before dying.

“For what,” I wondered. I hadn’t fucked her yet.




Frenetic Losses of Self

She opens her briefcase. “Why you keep doing this,” she asks in accented English.  I can’t tell if she really wants to know.

“All I have left are fat ones. If you wanting pretty ones, you must ask early. They go first. Bitchy ones gone next for whatever reason–I don’t understand why. Then nice ones, girl next door. And so on. You wait till end of day, you stuck with fat women. Sorry. I told you before, you know?”
She readies her syringe.
I feel them flood my bloodstream. At this point it doesn’t matter what they look like, or if they’re nice or whatever. I collapse in a heap of myself, knowing that I’ll have to get off the floor momentarily. Knowing that, because the real pleasure is not in the high but in the anticipation of it, the fun is over.
“You need real woman,” she says as she collects my money.
I shrug, wondering if she’s flirting. “But what will you do without me,” I ask by way of humor.
“Don’t need you,” she replies. “All men are pathetic. Many customers.” She leaves.
I touch the hole in my arm and nod emphatically at nobody in particular.

Sexual Arrangements and the Human Malaise

He had heard the rumors since childhood-the ones that circulated among day laborers and the working poor: during the blood moon at such and such landfill a womanish creature could be seen swimming in the vast reservoir of refuse, junk, and discard. There was no evidence to validate the rumor, but to a child that hardly matters.

As K got older, he constructed an elaborate fantasy around the stories he had heard as a child. He imagined falling in love with the landfill mermaid. He imagined growing fish parts of his own and swimming off somewhere with her.

During the most recent blood moon he broke into the landfill. Standing on the edge of the abyss, he waited. Soon enough he saw her.

K called to her. He shouted his undying love to her. She swam to him. She was beautiful. Join me, she said.

K shed his clothes and jumped into the landfill.

He was later pulled from the landfill, his body plagued by cuts and blood-borne diseases. I’ve seen love, he whispered to someone who cared about him. Then he died. Then things slowly went back to normal, no one ever really figuring out what he meant by that.