Tag Archives: friendship

The Melancholic Assemblage

Ever since K woke up dead, or so he was convinced, he had turned into a bit of a jerk.

That won’t do at all, he said in a huff. That’s how you choose to remember me? He snatched up his eulogy and tossed it in the garbage. I tried to feel sorry for him, because whatever mental affliction he was suffering from seemed to be rather burdensome. Then I began writing a new one.

Help me, he pleaded several weeks ago. I’m dead. I could see the fear in his eyes, and though I didn’t believe him, I was sure that he at least believed he was dead. I made a joke about zombies. But that only irritated him.

As the weeks went by he lost interest in everything that used to be meaningful. The only thing that seemed to jolt him to life–so to speak–was discussing how the life that was now, according to him, over would be remembered.

But the novelty of having a dead friend was eroding quickly.

Are you done yet, he barked? I lunged from my desk and sunk my pen into his neck.

Thank you, he said, as he died a second time.


Traces of Radical Self-Reflexive Potential

“Seeking new husband. Must meet the following criteria:…”

K wanted to apply for the position. But he knew he wouldn’t make the cut. While he had loved her for years, he was not as robust or as rich as the new man he needed to be.

One morning K, her neighbor and life-long “friend,” watched as a line of men began materializing in front of her house. Soon the line of men stretched the length of the street.

At 2 pm, she opened her front door. For the next 10 hours, men entered the house, men left the house. By 1 AM the line had dwindled. Having nothing to lose, K got in line—the last candidate.

“K, what are you doing? You know you can’t apply. Plus, [Redacted] wore J Crew exclusively.”

K frowned. He marched into the bedroom and examined the deceased’s wardrobe.

“The new one has to wear J Crew too.” She was behind him.

“Was that in your ad?”

“Toward the bottom.”

“ I hate J Crew.”

“I know.”

K put his hand to her cheek and she pressed back into it. Then he left, but not before stealing a pair of the deceased’s J Crew socks—which he kinda liked.