A tattoo artist by trade, but also a bit of a creep, the woman had long fantasized about kidnapping an unwitting man, drugging him, and tattooing a large cock on his back. She theorized that in doing so, the man would absorb the qualities of the animal. She was also totally into astrology.

She envisioned the perfect man: he was neither too tall nor too muscular; he was probably not very nice, and probably did not have a tattoo on his back already. As fate would have it, she spied such a man one night at a bar. Pressing her breasts together, she approached him….

….sucking face, or whatever, as they danced across her foyer, she extracted from her back pocket a cloth soaked in chemical and pressed it to the man’s face. He then fell to the floor.

She readied her tattooing things and began undressing the man. Removing his shirt, she frowned, for there on the man’s back was a tattoo already–an erect penis and accompanying testicles. [You saw that coming.]

What a dick, she muttered with a sigh. [That too.] A naturally pleasant woman, she called him a cab and rolled his body out to the curb.