Tag Archives: boyfriend

Blatant Self-Plagiarism

“You know,” she said, curling up in the passenger seat and pressing her cheek against its red leather, “I had this dream last night. You were made of pizza and I ate you.”

She reached across the console and rested her hand on mine, concernedly.

She continued: “It was awful. I felt like calling you, but I knew you were sleeping.”

Bullshit, I thought. She hadn’t called me in months. She only agreed to go out with me tonight because I told her – to my karma’s horror – that I was dying. We drank too much wine, and, in her drunken state, she decided that her dream portended my demise. Then she asked if I thought she had gotten fat.

In our months apart she got a new boyfriend and I got a new car. I stuffed her in the passenger seat and drove her home.

My car idling in her driveway, its headlights glaring at the back of an unfamiliar vehicle, she refused to remove her hand. Her house was dark.

“If K is so great,” I huffed, “where is he tonight?”

She sighed, said nothing. Then she moved to kiss me but sank her teeth into my face instead.


Organs Without Bodies

Her boyfriend sold sex toys. He was probably nice enough, though I tried not to think about him too much–all things considered.

She got out of bed and cascaded over to her closet. “Check it out,” she said, as she began chucking vibrators at me: red ones, blue ones, pink ones, grey ones. “I have tons.”

“Do you use them,” I asked, genuinely interested.

“Yes,” she said evenly. “He won’t have sex with me. He just gives me these.” She threw another on the bed. “He always has.”

“How many do you have?”

“I’ve lost count. He’ll come home, give me one, and demand I use it then and there.”

He was obviously crazy. But I kind of admired his twisted bravado.

“Have you ever had sex?” I needed to know.

“With him—no.”

She flittered back to bed and we had sex amidst her rainbow of vibrators—countless reminders of her weird relationship with her weird boyfriend. One after the other her vibrators turned on, as if controlled by some unseen being: Humming, buzzing, mocking.

“He’s here,” she whispered later on. “You need to go.”

I slipped out the back door, one of her vibrators firmly in my grasp.