Tag Archives: birthday

Contaminating Our Gaze

“Sorry,” she said, lunging at her eye which was lodged between the floor and the heel of my left shoe. “I can’t get it to stay in.”

The casualness with which she spoke of her abnormality offended me. She glanced at me with her one good eye, looked away in feigned innocence.

I retrieved her eye, offered it to her from my open palm. I figured she rolled her eye in my direction on purpose. She figured, I figured, that since I’m a retard she could become my retard friend, sister in arms.

“How did that happen,”she asked. Everybody else pretended not to notice. But she spoke with the confidence of a retarded Other, identified some sort of twisted commonality between us.

I looked her up and down, decided I would try to fuck her. I answered. “You did this.” I traced the hole in my chest, pointed to where my heart used to be.

She stared at me with her one good eye, the other eye now in her hand. “No I didn’t.”

I responded with a sigh: “Then who did?”

She shrugged, answered, “You did,” offered me the knife I gave her for her birthday, stained red now.


An Irruption of the Real

For my birthday, she took me to a fancy restaurant. “Here,” she said, sliding a package across the table during the intermezzo course. The rectangular shape of the package betrayed its contents.

She knew I knew.

“So you can carry it with you,” she continued without invitation. “And so you can stop writing on bar napkins.”

Later, she let me fuck her in the ass (my “third gift”) and then went home (my fourth gift?), complaining about the pain she would be in tomorrow.

I shook myself a martini and opened the package–a pocket-sized journal, as I had more or less expected. I grabbed a handful of pages at their lower right corners and flipped back to front. Then I noticed writing–black ink, feminine–her writing. I looked closely. Each page was full of details from my life.

I began reading about things she had no business authoring: drugs, prostitution, suicide attempts. I read further: my birthday, anal sex, a journal with its curious contents. On the last page I read about my death–prolonged and messy. I didn’t get it. “I don’t have AIDS,” I said to myself.

My cell buzzed. “Um,” she sighed, “there’s something I should have told you.”


The Subsequent Blossoming Forth

For my birthday, my girlfriend gave me something she made. Last year it was something she constructed from forks and spoons.

This year it was a flower pot, out of which a hand was growing. I recognized the hand; I had bought it for her to hang jewelry from.

“You don’t have to water this kind of plant.” She laughed.

I watered it everyday after she left for work. It didn’t take long before the hand grew a wrist.

Under some pretense, I took my potted hand from her apartment, claiming it would look good in my house, which I hardly called home at all these days.

There I watered it dutifully, spoke to it, played it pleasant music. The wrist grew a slender arm, which grew a graceful shoulder.

A woman! I grew excited and pulled on the arm. A beautiful woman emerged from the soil. Our eyes met. We embraced. Then she pulled me back into the soil.

Later that day my girlfriend came by. She didn’t find me. But she found a flower pot with two hands in it. Presuming I had made it for her, she took it back to her apartment. Her birthday is tomorrow.