Disavowals

He approaches you humbly and you chase him away mockingly.  He says he needs money and you reply that everybody needs money. You finish washing your car while other people washing theirs cast him aside as you did. He does not know what to do with his squeegee and hand towel.

But then you encounter him again. And this time you feel bad. You offer him three quarters, saying, It’s all I have. He dries your entire car for those quarters. You feel like you’re at a strip club, making some girl ride your sagging body for half a song before rewarding her with one dollar. So you give him a ten-dollar bill. The Hispanics over there look at you disapprovingly, as though you’re encouraging destitution and freeriderism–Our people don’t beg for money. You pretend not to notice as you wait for the vagrant to finish.

Then you realize that a girl is waiting to offer the vagrant some money so that he will dry her ride, too. And you smile. But you frown when you realize that the money you gave him was money for your yoga class, and because it looks like rain.